When I was little my mum, dad, sister and I (and later my brother) visited Millicent, South Australia to see family there. It was always a big deal and a big road trip in the 70’s in my dad’s Holden with the memories on the way there of the Big Lobster at Kingston and on the way home, the regular overheating of the radiator under the bridge on the Freeway on a 40 degree day!
On one of these trips was my most favourite memory of being a child. A real, unabashed fun moment of being completely childlike, full of wonder, curiosity, abandonment, awe, cool scary stuff and sheer joy! I was about 6 or 7 years old and this moment came when we were travelling around the area of Millicent to the sand dunes. On this gorgeous sunny day, with perfect blue skies and a cool breeze, I can vividly remember standing at the top of a really steep sand dune and then running down full pelt…. propelling myself down the sand and feeling like my legs were going WAY too fast for the rest of my body!
I started yelling out “Wait for me legs! Wait for me!"
The feeling was both scary and exhilarating at the same time. Scary knowing there is all this power and force underneath me in my legs and I'm going faster than the rest of my body can keep up with… seeing the steep decline underneath me didn't help. It was scary not knowing when I was going to fall, tumble, roll headfirst down the sand. But ohhhh the speed was exhilarating! My parents couldn’t stop me - it was physically impossible! A fleeting moment of freedom from any constraints. It was so much fun screaming and yelling with joy. This is possibly the only memory I have where I'm having pure, unadulterated fun with complete abandonment of being a good girl, or mature, or proper, or well behaved…
The “wait for me legs!” feeling has returned these past few weeks. At first I thought it was because 2017 was coming to a close and there was so much that I wanted to get done so I can start the new year afresh. But it was more than that; it wasn't even about getting things finished. I had all this energy and motivation and inspiration and the excitement and wonder and I just couldn't wait to get it all out and happening and it was this feeling of "wait for me legs” again! All the stuff I was wanting to happen and I couldn't make it happen fast enough; so much so that I started resenting having to sleep!! The past few weeks, when I’ve conceded I need to get myself to bed, I'm already looking forward to the morning so I can continue where I left off. I’ve always longed to have that feeling (instead of the dread of the next day) and here it is! It’s very cool.
And this morning I still have that feeling, right now as I look around my office and my lounge room and I see my planner on the wall and all the things going through my head... I just want to get going… I feel the excitement. And this time I wouldn't say it's scary any more and I don't even go to overwhelm either any more. It's more a feeling of impatience I think; that's what I need to harness… hmmm no, “harness” feels too tight, bound… It’s more about now finding the harmony to ensure I get to experience all the things I want to experience and at the same time looking after myself. This is a new thing for me - the nurturing and nourishing part - and I'm confident I can maintain this. I must. Or I won’t be able to keep up with my legs!!
So feel free to give me a shout out and a reminder every now and then, asking me if I'm taking care of me and I'll do the same for you.
Let me know in the comments below -
“I wish I was like you... I see your determination, your passion, your strength... I’m so proud of you. I wish I could be like that. But I’m too old… too set in my ways… too scared… I can’t… It’s just not who I am.. I’m not ready yet… I’m recovering from... Oh but I wish… Life would be so different if I could only step out feeling good about myself… if only I was more confident and not give a crap about what others thought…”
I hear these words around me on a daily basis. And I totally get it. Because I was there once. Not that long ago in fact. But what if someone told you that you can have determination, passion, strength, confidence. You can be proud of yourself because you know you freaking rock! You can feel a great sense of love for yourself - and not the cocky, big-headed, egocentric kind of thing - but a real feeling of joy and love for who you truly are. Would you believe them? Do you believe me when I say it’s yours for the taking? Maybe you do, maybe you’re not sure yet. That’s ok. I understand - I played this record for more than 40 years. Though over the last few years it’s been getting a bit scratched which is a good thing. Until I could no longer play that record and I put a new one on.
Even more recently I’ve been consistently feeling these things; passion, joy, confidence at my core, strength, vulnerability. And it’s not just acknowledging a feeling but having a true knowing, and experiencing these feelings and emotions on a consistent basis that really cements it for me.
I’ve been feeling all the wonderful feelings of falling in love (forgetfulness (ha!), joy, playfulness, lightheartedness) but I haven’t been in a relationship for a while. I have those feelings for ME. I am actually falling in love with me. I feel it in my centre, my core and I can truly say I love what I see, hear and feel there. A sneaky smile suddenly appears on my face and I find myself dancing or punching the air. It’s an amazing feeling.
I hear music that I love and I stop. I feel it. I really feel it. The music travels all around me, inside me, through my cells and through the interstitial fluid surrounding every cell in my body - the music brings with it a feeling of pure bliss and contentment. I’m happy. Other times I hear great music and I’m so into it, I see myself playing and I commit to picking up my guitar or banjo later that day or on the weekend. These feelings of connectedness to ME, to my core, bring a desire to be more playful, more adventurous which means I’m now seeking more experiences of that. More connection = more love = more fun = more happiness = more connection and around and around it goes.
Now this isn’t to say I’m blissfully happy and serene all the time. I’m not a serial happy bubbly person. That’s just not me. And frankly I’d question it if I were constantly in that state. I believe healthy functioning in everyday real life means we can access all emotions including the not so fun ones like anger, sadness, grief. How we handle those, where and with whom is important.
On top of that I recently learned to trust that it’s ok to be vulnerable and what that actually means. I had heard that sentiment a lot but I honestly had no idea what it truly meant. For me it used to mean only one thing: leaving myself wide open so that others could get in and hurt me. That was a huge risk. I didn’t want to purposefully lay myself bare and allow myself to get hurt. And because that’s the only meaning I gave it, I couldn’t see any other meaning for the word “vulnerable”. Until my amazing mentor showed me what being vulnerable really meant. And it meant being able to access all emotions.
Feeling empathy, curiosity, compassion, honouring all emotions when they come up and looking at them - I had a habit of squirming out of ‘feelings’. Literally if something came up, my body would move, I’d fidget to get me out of the feeling as quickly as possible. It had become such an ingrained strategy that I had no idea I was doing it and had no conscious idea of what feeling was coming up at that moment; it was so fleeting because I would move away from it within seconds! I reckon that was my ego unconsciously keeping me safe, keeping that vulnerability in check so I wouldn’t get hurt. I get that and I’m grateful. But you know what? I’m a big girl now with the courage of a lion and the power of a panther. I don’t need to be protected because I’m learning that I am enough, I have self worth and I am loveable.
I’m grown up enough to give any external influence whatever meaning I want - and that’s the absolute beauty of this! I actually can give everything ANY meaning I want! Nothing has meaning except for the meaning I give it. How freaking liberating is that?!! It’s all subjective. All of it. When I *really* understood this - really, really understood it - it changed my entire world.
And that’s just the start of this wonderful journey back to my core, where I can re-connect with my true self. It’s not even potential. It’s not even a possibility. It *IS*. My true nature is already and always has been full of confidence, passion, connection, playfulness - and hilarity. I’m funny as dude! And I know you are all of these things too. You have to be. We were all born with these beautiful innate traits. So what happened? There is so much we can explore. I’m loving this adventure back to me… and I’m looking forward to sharing it with you. Keep an eye out on this blog for more.
If you can’t wait till then and you want to know more, email me or book a time for a chat. I’d love to connect with you. ♥
Create an amazing day!
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Cyndy is an experienced and result-oriented coaching professional, knowledgeable and highly competent, fully present to what her clients are experiencing. Cyndy offers clarity to many complex areas with a clear, sensitive and responsive approach. She is passionate and energetic about what she does and always sets an example for others when it comes to who to be, and how to conduct ourselves with integrity.
Cyndy always says what she means and means what she says. Her passion and enthusiasm for creating results inspires those around her, setting the standards when it comes to integrity, passion, caring, focus, discipline and results.
Cyndy has a personable approach, is focused and has a genuine care for your wellbeing. Her motivation is to guide you through empowerment, to inspire confidence so you can realise your own potential, inner wisdom and truth!
A strategy session with Cyndy will propel you to make the transition to a healthy and joyful life with purpose – in all areas; whether it be within your home, at work, personal, spiritual, relationships, emotional or physical wellbeing.
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